i hope i’m the orange.

[i know i have mentioned how much i love lists.  if you don't remember, i do passionately.]

once upon a time, on a fall evening, i was having dinner with a dear friend at cafe presse (a favorite seattle spot) and she introduced me to the concept of whenever we endure change, even if it is good, we have to undergo
an awkward season of finding our new normal. discovering where time can be manipulated, evaluating what our selves need, deeming what is permanent and what needs to be let go.

this [new] season, includes staying in lincoln. no more weekly trips to omaha. two different graduate classes, one that is pushing my
writing abilities. new friends. a new football season (yes that is important to note). and a new job *gasp, in social services.
i know i decided to retire from them, but in truth i was on a long healing hiatus.

and i am sitting through trainings. realizing that i have insight. and everything feels so oddly familiar. however, i have moments of great fear and trepidation of returning to a field where my soul fought to survive. and i revel in fantasies of living a life of complete creativity, indulging my own senses. but i have realized that to completely indulge myself
means being a part, practically, of the broken world.

and i desire to see the two more intertwined.

i am an odd bird in social services. meaning, most people i am surrounded by don’t place heavy emphasis on being creative. especially for the pure
sake of noticing the beauty of the world we live in. so understanding that i am different in light of returning to social services, means paying close
attention to my own need to cultivate what fills my soul. because if i want to continue to be strength and positivity in a distraught world,
i have to remember to nurture
my artist.

[poster originally posted here]

i’m having to remind myself of this right now. because it’s transition time. july passed quicker than i intended.
and i need to find a job
and classes start in two weeks.

today i was anxious when i thought about the first classes of the semester and having to introduce myself. i’m sheree and _________.  and ____________.
and right now, well, i’m not really doing anything right now. and i should be okay with that. i’m in transition.
but it brings back the feelings that i have somehow missed the boat
sailing to me success and greatness. or at least intentional purpose.
*sigh*

the truth is, though,
i am happy to be living this life. i’ve found a way to own where i’m at.
reminding myself, that what is now is not permanent. transitions mean change.
and i cannot predict the strokes of change in the next few weeks, let alone months.
all i can do, is be honest with where i am at.
and find courage to take bold (even if small)
steps.

and considering it’s summer in the midwest
and hot. and humid.
i will also walk to my freezer for another homemade popsicle.

freeze blended fruit (blueberries or peaches) + 1/4 cup sugar + handful of fresh mint = summer refreshment.

[photo courtesy of katie licht, originally posted on creature comforts]

and we ended up at natalie’s estate winery. i had to call for a tasting, which i did an hour before we drove up a gravel driveway to an unassuming house with no fanfare, and entered in through a side door;
the room was how tasting rooms should be.
a long table. and the winemaker himself pouring and drinking with the taster.
and providing complimentary meats and cheeses and chocolate. and conversation.

we became fast friends with boyd. we shared a background of growing up on a farm in the midwest. and the satisfaction of putting the work into producing what one puts in their mouth with one’s own hands.

many tastings have fallen way short. like all experiences that linger in your mouth
of once tasting something so stimulating, anything categorized as mediocrity turns to dust on the tongue.
we told boyd this the following year when we returned and the trip was feeling stale in comparison. on our 2nd visit, we walked in the back way, smelling different fermenting grape varieties along the way to the magical tasting room.
as the meritage was being poured,
boyd told us that he made wine, nay good wine, at an affordable price
because wine wasn’t meant to be drunk only on celebratory occasions
nor was it reserved for the rich and elite.
from its beginnings, it was part of a common meal, shared amongst common people.
in a single simultaneous sip, my belief about food had been summed up and exhibited.

the same is true regarding the art of eating together.
the art is in the simplicity, the authenticity of choosing to sit down
at a table and break bread with people, preforming a basic ritual that is both a necessity and a luxury. a dinner party stripped down
(though i will never turn down a good dinner party)
happening more often, becoming an integrated part of our every day.

i came across kinfolk and have developed quite the crush.  there are more people who feel the same way.  may there be more collaborations.

[kinfolk video originally posted on frolic]

and though i’d love to eat strawberry cake for every meal, a diet of desserts isn’t maybe the most diverse [or healthiest] of choices.  the most complex piece is being able to put togehter a full meal, from the simple to the complex.  incorporating flavors so they compliment each other.  and putting together a plate that the diner will be satisfied with.

no, WOWED by.

how many sides are appropriate?  what compliments an heirloom tomato salad? how do you utilize all your produce from the CSA box? or what you over bought at the farmer’s market because it was too beautiful to not buy, though there was no clear vision for it’s place on the plate, as a part of a meal.

and now that i’m making dinner every monday night, i have to make deliberate decisions [and not the day of]. how to put together a complete meal that stretches beyond the meat + potato + green bean combination i grew up with.  foods that are bland are easy to mix and match but i love spices, herbs, flavor expulsions. so i have to execute bold strokes while reigning in the potential for a bomb, and not the good kind.

the skill also uses what i have in my fridge, reducing food waste. currently, it’s full of fresh herbs.  yesterday i made sweet potato wedges with a creamy goat cheese dip that sidled a smoked pork butt.  today i will make chilled avocado soup (to use the cilantro) and pork meatballs (with basil and cilantro).  I think i will have to whip up some pesto with the parsley so i don’t have to throw it out. 

ok, back to the sweet potato wedges.  they were outstanding. and i didn’t make enough.  and the dip: the perfect addition though the wedges were also good on their own. 

GOAT CHEESE DIP

5 oz. goat cheese
3/4 c sour cream
1/4 c mayonnaise
1 T finely chopped basil
1 T finely chopped parsley
salt + pepper

blend until smooth. that’s it.

[photo courtesy of the Diner Journal, originally posted on Miss Moss]

or put on your cowboy boots
or superhero cape
or…or…or…

i came across girl bike night and was ecstatic
could it be possible…that a group existed where a girls, dressed in themed costume, rode their bikes every fortnight to a destination for dinner/drinks?

and they are an amazing, fascinating collective of lincolnites.
oh lincoln,
sometimes i can’t help crushing on you.

[photo courtesy of aubrey at the leekers, more gbn photos here]

i recently read Supper of the lamb: a culinary refletion by robert farrar capon, an episcopalian priest who has a great love of food.  He writes in a way that transports the reader to feel as though they are actually sitting in his kitchen, drinking sherry at his counter while he meticulously chops an onion.  The onion which he challenges you to spend AN HOUR with to notice its intricacies.

For him (and me as well), eating a good meal begins well before sitting down to the first fork-full.  The onion exercise is one stop on the path to restore the institution of proper cooking, a process that “involves the slowness that we forget we actually have time for.”  A simple meal is the goal, though the preparation is anything but.  And the work poured into each dish is meant for a sit down dinner party versus a cocktail party, in his opinion requires nothing from its guests but their physical presence…But when a [host] sits me down at his/her table, (s)he declares himself willing to let those sitting with him/her into his own life.

Consider the higher distress for which earth has no cure- that major, vaster burning by which the heart looks out astonished as the world and in its loving wakes and breaks at once.  The most splendid dinner, the most exquisite food, the most gratifying company arouse more appetites than they satisfy…we embrace the world in all its glorious solidity, yet it struggles in our very arms, declares itself a pilgrim world, and, through the lattices and windows of its nature, discloses cities more desirable still…we were given appetites, not to consume the world and forget it, but to taste its goodness and hunger to make it great.

Playing it safe is not Divine.  In a world that so regularly winds our clocks and breaks our hearts, that laughs at caution and cries from every corner for extravagation-only outlandish hopes can make themselves at home. 

Capon’s general persuasion is to “cook fancy and just plain eat.”  he lives on the philosophy that it is better to eat a really good (ahem* full of calories) meal and practice fasting than to constantly eat mediocre food.  I love his thoughts regarding breakfast by calling it an unmerciful meal in which “very few people are fit company at that hour…it is a time to be left alone with one’s thoughts.”  the best breakfast consists of good crusty bread, quality cheese and real butter.  this is also meal in and of itself, fit for lunch or dinner.  though simple, it truly is the meal that satisfies.  give me a good glass of wine and i will be wishing to join you in a quaint french town.  this simple recipe for cuban bread, taken from the book, really is quite simple to make.  and the saltiness of it, makes the loaf disappear quickly.

CUBAN BREAD

4 T yeast
1 T salt
2 T sugar
2 c lukewarm water
6 c flour

dissolve yeast, salt & sugar in a coffee cup with some of the water. mix the remaining water and some of the flour in another bowl until you have a batter. stir in the contents of the coffee cup and add flour until you have a manageable dough. knead well, adding flour till you have a fairly stiff dough….keep kneading.
place dough in a greased bowl, cover with a damp cloth, and let rise until doubled. when risen, cut in half. shape into 2 plump, round loaves.
sprinkle some cornmeal on a greased baking sheet and place loaves on the sheet and let them rise for ONLY FIVE minutes. cut a generous cross in the top of each and place them in a COLD oven. set the temperature to 400 and place a large pan of boiling water on the bottom oven rack. bake for 45 minutes for the crustiest homemade bread.

[photo courtesy of madgerly]

oh the silence has been deafening in my own ears. and blinding to my shut eyes. but slowly i am able to look what is staring at me in the future and put down
words, even if just a few at a time (and they may find more air time here).
some occasions are to monumental, too incredible to not put down for recollection and tribute.
like this past weekend. in my beloved seattle. the city that made gray clouds in my soul; however, now has become a place of refuge,
a place i am refilled by relationships that only grow stronger over many miles.
on my second return since my departure, i must brag that i was flown back by the contribution of many friends,
who paid for not only a round trip plane ticket, but for a delectable brunch made by yours truly. though this weekend was the result of a scheme to see me more, to bring a [random] yet expectant group together,
it also was the culmination of what i am putting into practice, slowly, for the next phase of my life.
a surprise to really no one but myself; it revolves around an abundant table of well-prepared food and enticing dinner companions.

my confidence is growing and expanding. how can it not when 18 people, with generous pockets and a thesaurus of praises,
heap unending compliments, showing their support, yet also their ability to receive.  (easier, of course, with full bellies and wooed taste buds.)

what is next?  as i wrote my adviser earlier this week (receiving an extremely supportive, excited response): one of the difficult personal challenges i have faced is how to incorporate myself as a creative person into social services.  the reality is, i have always been passionate about food- from growing produce, to preparing a meal, to sitting down with people while eating a simple, delicious meal- and how something so seemingly simple is in reality the basic way we build relationships.  and somehow this fits into my thesis project and moreover, plans i am creating to incorporate that which is my passion, into my future. 

those of you who have been eating at my table for years or for brief stints in your life, i’m sure,
are finding no surprise in this change of events.

SHAKSHUKA.
{adapted from smitten kitchen and sunday suppers}

1 onion chopped
2-3 jalapenos chopped finely
4 cloves of garlic
1 cup crushed tomatoes
2 cups fresh tomatoes chopped
1 t cumin
1 T paprika (smoked paprika will blow you away)
6 eggs
parsley
4 links good, fresh raw chorizo

Heat olive oil in iron skillet (or dutch oven or whatever is available) on med-hi. Add onions and jalapenos and saute until lightly browned. Add garlic and saute for 1-2 more minutes. Add in cumin and paprika. Add 1/2 cup water and all tomatoes. Turn to med-low and simmer for 15-20 minutes. Meanwhile, begin frying chorizo links over med-high heat in a cast iron skillet until firm, but not fully cooked.  Take off heat and with a sharp knife, slice pieces on the diagonal.  If the meat is cooked enough, it will hold its shape.  Return slices to the cast iron skillet and fry until fully cooked.

At this point the simmering tomatoes should be ready.  Right before serving, crack 6 eggs on top and cover with a lid. The eggs will poach in the tomato sauce and be done in 5 minutes (based on preference of egg doneness). Top with fresh parsley. It can be served with pita but I prefer good, fresh, crusty, rustic wheat bread. Additional yummy toppings include feta.

{photos courtesy of nathania. kitchen courtesy of the parzyboks}